I’m still not reading very many books, but that hasn’t stopped me from reading about books. Below are some real quotes from brief blurbs in my daily BookBub E-book Deals newsletter. Just so you know, I don’t like being snarky.* I’d like to be kinder and more understanding. Some days I can manage that; other days I can’t, and on those other days, I really entertain myself. And besides, some of these were probably written by AI—we don’t know for sure, do we?
I have an idea for the new year: how about if we do away with book blurbs. Seriously. No quotes, real or otherwise, from Kirkus Reviews or any other reviews. No authors of other books telling us how wonderful this book is, how profound, how [fill in the blank]. What if we let the book stand on its own merits. Keep the synopsis on the inside flap. Those are helpful. But blurbs? Book Riot has an interesting and informative piece on the history of books blurbs. They’ve been around for more than 100 years. I’m with George Orwell on this subject:
George Orwell in his essay “In Defense of the Novel” described blurbs as “disgusting tripe” and that “novels are being shot at you at the rate of fifteen a day and every one of them an unforgettable masterpiece which you imperil your soul by missing.”
I don’t think I have ever bought or read a book based on what I read in a blurb. We all know they are gassy, so do we even read them? There are books—writing, creativity—and there is marketing—the reader as consumer. Period. Blurbs are marketing and don’t have anything to do with the quality of the book.
I like to read reviews from the New York Times or the Guardian. Some help me add books to my TBR list, but that doesn’t mean I will actually read the book. I notice that for the last few years, I don’t choose books from my TBR list. I listen to friends or the women who work at my local bookstore, Books Are Awesome.
Finally, here are a few of my favorite Stupid Book Blurbs. If you have any, please share.
“Genuinely terrific” (Library Journal).
As opposed to fake terrific?
“Each page… is full of interesting details” (Kirkus Reviews).
Well, first I want to know what was omitted between “page” and “is full.” I wonder if the Kirkus editor was tasked with saying something positive about the book, in which case they deleted “endlessly boring” and put in”interesting.” This is, I think, a case of being damned with faint praise.
“I think this might be the most beautiful book I’ve ever read” (New York Times bestselling author Jane Green). (Emphasis mine)
Or . . . I don’t know for sure, but I think maybe . . . Give me a minute . . .
“Incredible… Requires rapt attention” (The Observer).
Did you know that the meaning of “incredible” is “unbelievable or not convincing”? Why does it require rapt attention? Otherwise you’ll nod off?
“Ridley Pearson is one hell of a writer. He grabs, he twists, he tightens the screws until you’re drained”
Because that’s the reading experience you’re looking for: one that twists, tightens, and drains you completely.
“ . . . novel that “reads like Moby-Dick at a strobe-light show” (Time).
Yes, another reading experience we seek out. So many readers are introverts and have never been or would ever go to a strobe-light show.Would that improve Moby Dick? I doubt it.
“The first installment of ‘a crime trilogy so searing it will burn forever into your memory.’”
This book is in my books database, so I know I read it, but I can’t remember one thing about it
“A certifiable page-turner” (The Boston Globe)
Ummm . . . Certified by whom? How was that done? Is that anything like TV ads where a man (it’s always a man) in a white doctor jacket “certifies” that “two out of three [whoever] swear that these [whatever] will make you more [virile, sexy, smart, funny]?
On one of my snarky days, this one showed up in a newsfeed I get in my inbox every day, so I’m including it here because it’s a head-scratcher:
“Google’s DeepMind found to predict weather forecasts equal to or better than existing models.”
Predict forecasts? That’s what it says. Predict what a forecast will say about the weather. Does DeepMind have an in with the local weather station in order to predict the forecast? And are there “existing models” for predicting forecasts? Does this have anything to do with real weather? I think the editor called in sick that day.
Wishing you a year of good books and bad blurbs. We need all the laughs we can get.
* That’s not true. Some days I really enjoy being snarky, but I don’t usually share the snarks, so those don’t count.
Yes. and it often comes from unexpected places.
Snarkiness welcome. Uh-huh, I love to be "drained" by a book. Plus, Kirkus? Aren't they a buy-a-review company?